The Shape of a Single Moment
“Until then, there was always someone to rely on if things went wrong. This was the first time I knew everything would depend on me.”
When we imagine our lives through the years, it might be easier to imagine a linear, gradual transformation. We were children, now we're adults, and the story continues across a medium of existence, too flux and too holistic for singularities. But when we tell our stories, we often refer to these singularities: moments that became dividing lines between older and newer versions of ourselves. In fact, research shows that people often define their lives around turning points and build their narrative identities on how these turning points reshape them.
*The interviewed individuals' names have been changed for anonymity.
My name is Tezor Dedam, a journalist and communications specialist with a focus on people, culture, and the social contexts in which they interact. Many people can identify one life-changing moment — a decision, a loss, an acceptance, a letter, a diagnosis, a surprise opportunity, or a phone call — that permanently changed their lives. I would like to explore these moments for how they have shaped mental health, identity, and emotional well-being.
This article is important now because of the uncertainty of today's human experience; people are navigating marriages, work, politics, relationships, and so much more. In the blur of these volatile experiences, it is important to discuss how people steer through events by reflecting on key moments that have defined one's life's journey. So, with the main message of exploring pivotal events, this article invokes a universal aspect of psychological well-being: how we interpret important moments in the feeling process that is life. To capture these interpretations, I interviewed three unique individuals share excerpts from our conversations below, to highlight the experience and effect of these events.
The quote at the start of the article is from Bruna Soares*, a Brazilian MA student pursuing an Applied Data Science degree at the University of L'Aquila, in Central Italy. She is the first from her family's lineage to attain a formal education beyond the basic level, and her story is told below:
Bruna Soares and Her Admission Call-up
“[My moment was] getting the email that I had been accepted into a master’s program abroad with a scholarship. It was the first big opportunity that was entirely mine. I had lived abroad before with my family, but this time I was leaving on my own, because of something I had worked for.
I was always someone who liked to challenge myself, but I had never been fully on my own. Until then, there was always someone to rely on if things went wrong. This was the first time I knew everything would depend on me.
I remember feeling excited, proud, hopeful, and definitely nervous. It was a huge change, but I never thought about turning it down because I was scared. The weeks before moving were a mix of excitement and "what am I doing?" moments."
One of the biggest takeaways from speaking with Bruna was her perceived degree of change. One day she was resigned to a mundane life, with no dreams or ambitions; then the next, she was looking at an email with a full admission and scholarship that has led her to the fulfilled woman she is today.
To broaden this concept of ‘before and after’ versions of ourselves, I next spoke to Philip Abney-Hastings, a 30-year-old prison social worker in Australia.
Philip Abney-Hastings and His Life-Changing Diagnosis
“I got diagnosed with HIV in December, 2025. Whether it is good or bad, I cannot say just yet. But it has surely had some negative consequences… the major shock to my system that has really made me think about myself on a deeper level. My whole life is centred around this medication, and if I do not take it, I would die [laughs].
Prior to my diagnosis, I was already in a constant state of self-loathing, because I had always felt lonely and craved "belonging". Since I discovered my status, there has been an overwhelming sense of panic — to fix up my life, career, etc. I realise I am not as strong as I thought; I entertain a lot more suicidal ideation, even now I often ask what the point of anything is. What can people learn from my story? Well, my story isn't over, but the key lesson is to wrestle self-love into your life. You are worthy of dignity. But it's easier said than done, and I am struggling with it every day and getting through it by playing badminton and watching RuPaul's Drag Race.”
Philip’s story shows his newfound perception of how his life suddenly felt finite to him. Every plan he made had to be vetted and reconsidered; every part of the rest of his life had to be viewed through the lens of his diagnosis. It showed me how a single event can make people reassess what really matters, and how these events stay with us long after they have happened. But in a good way, the biggest change for him was internal, not medical — he learnt to reconcile his newfound reality with a better and more compassionate version of himself.
But beyond a change in individual circumstances, bereavement is critical enough to change world-views and even identity. Research has shown how loss changes people’s sense of meaning, affection, and identity. From this perspective, I learnt a lot from Amaka Onyeanwuna, a 53-year-old Nigerian woman who has spent the last two decades raising three children and supporting her husband’s business.
Amaka Onyeanwuna and Her New-Found Challenge
On August 15th, 2025, she received a call from her husband’s apprentice stating that he had collapsed from a heart attack and passed away before receiving medical care. She said she remembers very little about the hours that followed: friends and relatives poured in with condolences, and important funeral decisions had to be made at once.
"I moved through those days like someone acting in a film."
But for her, another moment came about three months later when she found herself sitting at the dining table, all alone with an unpaid bill in front of her and discovered that she did not know how much money was in their family's bank account or how the rent was being paid. In all these years of marriage, her husband took all financial decisions.
Amaka’s thorough resolve and responsibility show that crisis reveals capacity. I can see how the loss forced her into roles she didn’t think she would be in. But even more, I learnt how grief and growth can be intertwined into these singular moments of crisis.
All three individuals are doing well and have grown from their singular experiences.
Bruna graduates later this year.
Amaka is financially on top of things, and she counts dispensed money at ATMs and explains Compound Interest to anyone who cares to listen.
Philip swears he's the best badminton player in the whole of Australia (I've seen him play; he's not).
Across these three experiences, we can learn that good mental health is not simply the absence of distress but the process of experiencing, adapting, and learning from defining moments. These defining moments don't only divide the before and after; they also shape our identity, resilience, and how we understand and love ourselves.
