Lily sat down in front of the TV one day after school, completely unaware that what she was about to see would change her life.
Her day was the same as any other. She had done some schoolwork with her mum and struggled with sums, and her mum made her feel worse by suggesting that her last lesson of the day be a chance for her to ‘learn to tackle her anxiety.’
Lily knew her mum meant well even then - she'd pulled her out of school to homeschool her after her anxiety meant she was failing and falling behind in a lot of her lessons- but it didn't stop her from feeling awful. It usually meant going to a shop or supermarket full of people, and then getting her favourite chocolate bar or toy, but then only being allowed to have it if Lily went up to the person behind the till and bought it herself, even though she wasn't even the one paying for it. By the time she reached the front of the queue, she'd not only be shaking, but her hands were so soaked with sweat that she almost dropped the cash as she handed it over to the - always kind and smiling, no matter what - staff member behind the till. It might have seemed like an overreaction to other people, but they didn’t get it. The truth is, no one understood - not the nice lady behind the till, or even her mum - just how scared she felt, every day.
That is, until Lily sat down in front of the TV after getting back from the shop, her heart racing, and sat and watched the very first episode of Skylar Flight. It was a brand-new show aimed at young adults, but her mum didn’t say anything about the kid’s channel not being on the screen, with its bright hues and silly songs, so Lily didn’t say anything either - not that she would, because as soon as the show started, her eyes were glued to the TV screen.
Skyler Flight was like nothing Lily had ever seen before. Unlike the cheerful, bright, and short shows she’d seen on the kids’ channels before this, Skyler’s Flight was something altogether different - it was darker, much longer, and at points, Skyler and her flight crew faced death multiple times, even in the pilot episode. As soon as the episode ended, with Skyler and her crew successfully defeating the alien threat and staying on their course to the planet they were assigned to visit, it was only when the credits rolled when Lily realised that she was holding her breath.
‘Tea’s nearly ready. You okay, Lil?’ her mum called out, making Lily jump.
Lily paused for a moment, instead of automatically answering yes, like she normally would. Her automatic instinct was always to lie, because most of the time she felt far from fine – she typically felt, scared, or full of anxiety. But while Lily did feel anxious during parts of the show she just watched - usually when the characters like Skylar were in trouble, now, when it was all over, she felt far from anxious. She felt her heart settle in her chest, full of something light, and brighter than anything she had felt in a while. She felt… happy. And excited for the next episode, which according to her TV Guide, was next week at the exact same time. She couldn’t wait.
‘I’m great,’ Lily said, and for the first time in a long time, she was telling the truth.
*
A few months later, Lily eagerly sat down on her sofa in anticipation to watch the series finale of Skyler’s Flight. It had been a wild series so far, with Skyler and her crew nearly dying, their ship nearly crashing, and they even had an episode where everyone was cursed by an alien emperor to not stop singing until they met their demands (which, thankfully, they did). At first, Lily’s mum wasn’t the happiest about her watching such a grown up show at thirteen, but when Lily was able to go up to a shop counter and buy a Skyler’s Flight sticker book without complaining - and without even feeling all that anxious, because she was so excited about adding to her SF collection - Lily’s mum changed her mind, and after watching a few episodes with Lily, she even seemed to like it. Not that Lily was all that surprised - it was the best show ever. In the entire universe, even.
Lily had learned over the past few weeks that she wasn’t alone in that thought either. Far from it. One day, during one of her IT lessons, when she was allowed to spend time on her laptop, Lily realised that there was a group of people like her on Facebook who loved the show. The fans called themselves ‘Sky Fliers’ in honour of the name of the show, and there was a fan group of nearly 10,000 of them who talked about the show every day. While her mum wasn’t the biggest fan of her joining the group, after a few days of pleading, her mum agreed to join the group first to see if it was appropriate, and then after a week, allowed Lily to join as well. And from there, if Lily wasn’t already obsessed with Skyler’s Flight, it would become the first thing she thought about in the morning, and the last thing she thought about at night. It was strange, since she usually felt anxiety - and while it was still there - the feeling of happiness that Skyler’s Flight, and watching, reading, and writing about it - was much bigger, and stronger, than the anxiety that she used to feel. It was as if the happiness was so strong that it could fight off the anxiety, or at least keep it at bay, just like Skyler was able to do with the hostages on the spaceship, with her blaster ray.
The fact that she was able to get her mum to love it made Lily even happier. They talked about each episode for hours after it aired, and her mum almost seemed to be as big of a fan of the show as her. Almost.
But Lily did find it strange that when the final episode finished, with Skylar and her crew successfully surviving the visit to their assigned planet and finally on course to go home, Lily couldn’t stop the tears flowing as the credits rolled, whereas her mum remained strangely dry-eyed. Especially as her mum was the type of person to cry at TV adverts - but the best episode of TV just aired, and her mum didn’t shed a single tear? Despite the rollercoaster of emotions coursing through her, Lily couldn’t help but also feel a little suspicious.
‘Oh, Lil,’ her mum said, after the credits were over. ‘You really love that show, don’t you?’
Lily nodded; her throat still tight from the crying.
Lily’s mum’s mouth twitched slightly, as if she was trying not to smile. ‘Well then, to celebrate the last episode, how about you go and meet Skyler herself?’
Lily froze in place as her mum excitedly pulled out tickets to a nearby Comic Con event where the actress who played Skyler, Elle Aston, was appearing.
‘We’re even going to get a photo with her!’ Lily’s mum said, just before Lily pulled her into the tightest hug ever. ‘Woah - I take it that you can’t wait, then?’
Lily nodded into her mum’s shoulder, making her shirt wet because she was crying again - but now for completely different reasons.
*
But on the day of the Comic Con event, Lily couldn’t shake the feeling that she was about to throw up. Or pass out. Or both. Whereas the show usually helped with her anxiety, now it was all she could feel, buzzing across her like she was stuck in a constant earthquake. She was starting to regret dressing - or cosplaying - as Skyler, or at least Skyler from an episode where she wasn't at least wearing her OxySafety Helmet, so everyone wouldn't be staring at her - or at least they'd be staring at the helmet, instead.
But even still, as she walked through the packed convention hall, her mum by her side, she felt like everyone she passed couldn't keep their eyes off her - as if she was strange, weird, and different. Lily's chest tightened, and she tried to focus on moving one foot in front of the other, moving with small steps so she wouldn't faint.
‘Hey, Commander!’ A voice called out behind her.
Lily turned to see a girl around her age dressed as Officer Wilkes from Skyler's Flight. She was smiling kindly, before snapping to attention like a soldier and giving her a confident salute. Even with Lily's anxiety, the girl recognised Skyler - almost as if it didn't matter one bit, because Lily was a fan of the show, too.
Just that thought flooded her with happiness. Lily returned the salute quickly, as if she truly was Skyler, and the girl opposite her, dressed almost exactly as Officer Wilkes, smiled.
‘Your costume is great!’ The girl said, as if she truly meant it.
‘Thanks!’ Lily said - absolutely delighted, both at the interaction and at the fact that in that moment, it was as if her anxiety had been washed away.
To Lily's delight, similar instances to this happened throughout the day.
She found herself being complimented by various people dressed as characters from Skyler’s Flight, and even people dressed as characters from other shows and films. She even had someone who was dressed as a Bluurq, one of the aliens the crew fought in episode 5, hand her a sticker and pin they'd drawn and made of Skyler's ship.
Lily held the sticker and pin close to her chest as she queued to get a photo with Elle Aston, the actress who played Skyler. With a small smile, Lily’s mom offered to help her secure the pin to her chest. It was strange, Lily thought, as she looked at it glinting against the fabric of her handmade costume; instead of the typical anxiety she usually felt, all she could feel was happiness, and excitement. She was here, part of something bigger than herself, part of something fun, even when feeling anxious, she wasn't alone.
Just then, Lily felt her mum squeezed her hand - they were at the front of the queue. The Skyler, Elle Aston, was smiling and waving in her direction. Lily couldn't quite believe it, she felt as if she was floating on air as she walked towards her with her mum by her side.
‘Hi!’ Elle said, with a bright white and genuinely smile. ‘You look great - just like Skylar!’
The photographers and others that were scattered around the room all agreed and said how much they loved Lily's costume.
‘Thanks,’ Lily said quietly, suddenly very aware of how she was standing. ‘I really love the show.’
‘Thank you! I love being a part of it.’ Elle said, her smile growing even wider. ‘What's your name, darling?’
‘Lily,’ she said, feeling a blush spread across her face. ‘And this is my mum, Anna.’
‘Well, hello!’ Elle said, as her mum beamed. ‘It's great to meet you both - especially you, Lily.’
‘Thank you - I really love Skyler's Flight,’ Lily said.
‘It means a lot to her, and us,’ her mum added.
Elle reached out and squeezed Lily's hand. ‘Well thank you! It means a lot that the work I do can touch other people. And it means a lot that you've braved the crowds to come and see me today. I should be saying thank you!’
Her words made Lily feel like she was about to fly away, straight up to the ceiling with joy; that feeling of being seen, and appreciated, it was like she'd just finished fighting an alien at the end of a Skyler's Flight episode and survived.
Elle then ushered Lily and her mum to stand closer to her and placed her hands on Lily's shoulders to keep her grounded as they smiled towards the camera. With the warmth of her hands steadying her, the shyness and anxiety she felt faded away, like before. Lily felt as if she could do anything.
*
‘What do you think, love?’ Her mum said, when they went to pick up the photo.
Lily stared at it, her hands shaking. The three of them looked so happy - if Lily didn't know, she wouldn't have sensed any anxiety in her. She looked confident, and especially when dressed as Skyler - Lily really did look like a different person. Someone who'd never been anxious in their life.
And if today had taught her anything, Lily thought, even when she was anxious, if she could meet the real Skyler and go to this event and meet so many kind people without wanting to run straight back home… and y'know what? Lily realised - if Skyler can fight aliens weekly, and Ellen can meet all those people in one day, maybe she could do anything, anxiety and all.
‘I love it,’ Lily said. And she really meant it.