Strength in Vulnerability: The rise of men’s sharing groups
- Cieran Brown
- 5 hours ago
- 5 min read
With men combating loneliness, suicide and the rise of the manosphere, Men’s groups are providing an opportunity to explore masculinity and the pressure they feel. From prison support groups to men-only hikes in nature, from dad clubs to celebrity circles, men are turning to a growing number of communities and brotherhoods to explore their identity, connect with their emotions, and voice their concerns.
Lad Culture.
As a British writer and a man in his 40s, I have settled into a version of myself that has developed through habit, observation, and familial and societal patterns. Growing up, I couldn’t escape the laddish culture of the 90’s - where men's magazines like FHM, Loaded, and Nuts glamourised an unsanitary brand of toxic masculinity and the swagger of the Gallagher brothers ruled.
As a sensitive and shy adolescent, I felt out of step with the culture at the time. But in the days before the internet became ubiquitous, there wasn’t much of an alternative, so I developed a version of myself that I reserved for the company of men. Football, pints and women – these were the go-to subjects, and nobody ever, EVER discussed mental health or those strange things called feelings.
Fast forward two decades, and the public discourse around men’s mental health has changed dramatically. With male suicide rates being three times higher than women's, and suicide being the leading cause of death in men under 50 in the UK, there has been a concerted effort and cultural shift towards men seeking help. However, as recently as 2024, only 32.6% of NHS Talking Therapy referrals were for men, so there is clearly still a long way to go.
Festival Connection.
I had my first experience of a men’s sharing circle at a music festival, run by Merlin Matthews, who runs the Man Academy - a community of like-minded men who have discovered the power of opening up. I stumbled across the tent by chance, and initially, I was a little sceptical, and stayed within my shell - only speaking up when prompted. But as I listened, I was surprised by the variety of men’s experiences – fathers, sons, husbands, brothers - coming together to discuss what masculinity meant for them and the pressure they felt to be providers, protectors, lovers and leaders.
Merlin, who has been running men's groups for 5 years and has regular sessions in London, Brighton, Lewes and online, was a soothing presence and held the space sensitively. On my return to non-festival life, I joined him at one of his Men’s groups in London, but then life got in the way, and a year passed. Frustrated by some old recurring habits, I resolved to give it another go and joined one of his groups in Brighton.
Active Listening and Being ‘Witnessed’
The room in the loft of a community centre is sparse, with a handful of chairs in a circle. Merlin burns some sage and places a tealight in the middle as a focal point. As the men enter, they warmly greet each other like old friends, and there is a genuine warmth radiating from them.
There is a list of rules that all men must agree to beforehand. Paramount among these are respect, boundaries, authenticity, and owning your feelings through “I” statements rather than “My” or “We”. Merlin gives a refresher, explaining that confidentiality is key, and he encourages us to experiment and test-drive who we are, “beyond old playground or professional personalities.”
Over the next 2 hours, we are encouraged to check in and voice what we’re feeling physically and emotionally, and what big things are happening in our individual worlds. I talk about my father, who is terminally ill and whom I’ve been caring for and the issues around that. Nobody interrupted or ‘hijacked’ what I was sharing, and when I finished speaking, I felt as if I had been deeply listened to.
People-Pleasing, Lone Wolves, and Pushing Through.
Indeed, being heard or ‘witnessed’ without judgment was one of the main things the men in the room said they wanted when prompted. Others asked for advice pertaining to their circumstances or to be held accountable - another tenet of Merlin’s groups.
The men discuss themes ranging from small to large, including health, relationships, careers, anxieties, blessings and wins. If something resonates, we can raise our hand in solidarity, nod our heads or agree vocally. At times, I felt shaky when talking - a sign of tension in the body, but gradually I softened to the experience.
Inner narratives, relationships with parents, dynamics at school, and men’s tendency to suppress emotion, to be a ‘lone wolf’ or go at it alone, and the habit of ‘pushing through’ were all discussed. The theme of authenticity came up, which touched a nerve, as I’ve never been great at expressing my true feelings due to fear of conflict. As a result, I’d learnt the art of being agreeable and a people pleaser to a certain degree, which a few of the men related to.
As the circle came to a close, I felt uplifted and buoyant. On my way home, I reflected on this during a follow-up call with Merlin. He explained that it was a common side effect of these groups, but stressed the importance of attending regularly; otherwise, it becomes easy to fall back on old patterns of self-reliance.
Wandsworth Prison.
Back in London, I also spoke to JP from Camden, a yoga teacher and construction worker who runs free men’s groups, which I had previously attended. After running a 6-week programme in Wandsworth prison, he started a similar group in the community, with the help of Live Karma Yoga, a non-profit CIC, as a “way for men to talk without making it awkward”, making it accessible in a way that seeing a therapist isn’t.
Unlike in prison, his community sessions typically attract a variety of people from different backgrounds. His biggest take: “It allows men to take the pressure off themselves, and get things off their chest without bottling it up.” He explains that “Rather than having a discussion in your head, which is only going to give you one answer, you get to see your problems from a different perspective – through the eyes of the other men.”
His approach involves taking the emotion out of the conversation, and he found the themes of patience, responsibility and pressure to be common. He continued saying that “Men would initially be apprehensive and allow their pride to get in the way. But over the weeks, trust was gained and bonds built, which allowed the men to open up and come out of their shells.”
Men do talk.
With the dominance of social media, a booming comparison culture is fuelling an image of what a modern man looks like. Meditation, journaling, workouts, ice baths, be masculine, but not too masculine - pressure cooker messaging which leads to loneliness and mental health issues. For me, men’s groups might be the antidote to this, allowing men to discover the value of vulnerability, connection, and growth. Since I attended these groups, I have found solace in the company of other men and learnt how to express myself more authentically while creating healthy boundaries in my life. I hope other men find joy in the power of speaking up, too.
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