What Exactly is a Male “Feminazi?”
- Manan Dhuldhoya
- Jun 9
- 5 min read
Let me start by dispelling the obvious– there is no such thing as a “feminazi”. There are feminists, and then there are feminists who are so unapologetic and uncompromising about their pursuit of feminism that they are derogatorily branded “feminazi” by those who are discomfited by their pursuit of a fair and equal world.
It follows, therefore, that there can be no such thing as a “male feminazi”. In my opinion and experience, this is a response from men who have not been taught to feel and express their emotions. They use such pejoratives to hit out at male peers whose more egalitarian approach makes them uncomfortable, thus dismissing the issue at hand rather than sitting with and working through why it is making them feel uncomfortable in the first place.
Growing Up in India
I’ve lived through an India that evolved from black and white television to Cable TV and from dial-up internet to streaming on broadband. In the nearly 5 decades that I’ve lived here, I’ve seen public dialogue and discourse in urban spaces embrace a host of topics that were previously considered taboo. ‘Love marriages’, a uniquely Indian name for how most of the western world marries, have become more accepted. Divorces are not the end of the world anymore. Families are getting more comfortable with children coming out as gay. But feminism, and anything to do with women speaking against and opposing the patriarchal structure of society, is still something that draws (male) ire like no other issue does.
I was 12 when I was given the birds-and-the-bees talk. By my mother. She explained how the female physiology worked and why my sister and her needed menstrual care products. This ensured I thought of menstruation as normal and was never embarrassed to ask for sanitary pads at the chemist’s. Her open, non-gendered approach, very rare in 1980s India, destigmatised topics that were, and still are, considered taboo and normalised my outlook to issues that many of my peers never addressed. And lamentably, still don’t.
As a consequence of my openness, from the ages of 15 to around 45, I was often called things like ‘softie’, ‘senti’ (Mumbai slang for someone seen as too emotional) and ‘feminazi’ by many of my male peers. And while I’ve tried to show why there is no such thing as a ‘feminazi’ in any gender, I will also try to show why there is indeed such a thing as a male feminist and why every man, anywhere in the world, should aim to be one.
So, Who is a Feminist?
Feminism is simple. No, really. It is simply the principle that there must be complete social, political, and economic equality between all genders, as organisations like the IWDA explain. Feminists are equally simple to understand. They are people who understand and accept this need for complete equality between all people and often, advocate strongly for it. And yes, men can and should be feminists. I am. Also, feminists are not anti-men. If you feel that they are, you’re probably reading the wrong publications and listening to the wrong podcasters.
How Can You Be a Feminist?
Start by accepting that as a man, you’re afforded more freedoms and choices simply because of your sex. This is called Male Privilege. And if you’re cishet (cisgender + heterosexual), you’re even more privileged in a system that has been engineered by men to benefit men. Yes, I’m talking about the patriarchy. Men are its beneficiaries but can also be its (unwitting) victims. The emphasis to ‘be a man’ begins very early. Growing up, in many societies, we’re taught that ‘boys don’t cry’.
My mother encouraged me to share and express myself, but I saw, and still see, a repressed attitude prevailing around me. When I was in college in Mumbai, some friends used to call me ‘senti’, an abbreviation of 'sentimental' that is part of the Bombay lingo and is used to describe someone being too sappy. 20 years later, when gender and politics became part of our discussions, I was called “feminazi” by men for taking a feminist, and an egalitarian position that they thought was too extreme to even air. This reluctance to accept and discuss feminism causes men to bottle up their feelings until they finally explode, making it dangerous behaviour for everyone. And it has to stop.
How? Don’t lash out at or mock men only because they are vocal and expressive in a way that makes you uncomfortable. Instead, ask yourself why you feel that way. The patriarchy that suppresses women also keeps men from expressing. It’s not ‘girlie’ to walk into a store and ask for tampons for a loved one. It’s not ‘homo’ to reach out to men for support. And it’s certainly not ‘pansy’ behaviour to cry in front of them. Being raised in rigid gender roles can make it hard to break the mould and stand apart from one’s peers. Trust me, I know. So, acknowledge the patriarchy. Examine it. Question it. And then, smash it. You’ll never feel more free.
Better Still, How Can You Be an Ally?
“What is an ally and why should I be one?”, you ask? Allow me to explain.
Our understanding of equality has evolved with our understanding of gender. While sex is considered a binary determined by birth and biology, gender is now considered a spectrum based on society and identity. Remember the cisgender reference from earlier in this piece? It just means that you identify with the gender you were assigned at birth and raised in. We now accept that for many people, the gender identity that they were raised with might not be what they identify with as they age. And even then, these identities don’t conform to a narrow binary of male and female. They form an expanding spectrum of 70+ identities like transgender, non-binary, and genderfluid, just to name a few. So, while feminism is a great starting point for a just, egalitarian world, allyship should be your destination.
But before you hold your head and wonder how you’ll ever keep track, consider this. Even if you can’t remember identity, remember courtesy. Stop saying “that’s so gay” for anything that you consider silly. Even if you don’t ask people what their pronouns are, pay attention when they tell you. And remember to use them. Don’t dismiss someone’s identity as some ‘new nonsense the kids are up to’. And even if you don’t understand it, don’t question it. Sometimes, a quiet acceptance is all the understanding one needs.
When I was 16, I started wearing my hair long. Far too long for an India that hadn’t even got satellite television yet. And then, I started ripping my jeans to look more like the musicians I idolised. I remember how my family and many friends dismissed this ‘rock rebel’ expression of mine. It was only my mother who supported me, and it kept me from feeling like an outsider. Similarly, feminism and feminists need your support, overt or otherwise. There might be no such thing as a ‘feminazi’, but there certainly aren’t enough feminists in this world. Especially those that identify as male and can use the privilege it comes with for the benefit of those born without it.
This article has been sponsored by the Psychiatry Research Trust, who are dedicated to supporting young scientists in their groundbreaking research efforts within the field of mental health. If you wish to support their work, please consider donating.
