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I’ve noticed something weird, the last few years: people think I’m friendly. I’m referred to as outgoing, and even, occasionally, extroverted. It feels like I’ve pulled off some magnificent con–because for much of my childhood, I was deeply lonely, and through my adolescence, that loneliness gave me terrible anxiety. This is a story of growth before it is anything else–mostly because I started, socially, around rock bottom.

No matter what, at least I have control. Or that’s what I used to think…When I was 14, I was admitted into hospital with an eating disorder; I left my home, my family, and my community all behind. Not knowing how long it would be until I was able to go home, I was scared and very alone.

Loneliness is sometimes sad and uncomfortable, and I think we like to pretend it isn’t happening when it is. We hide the feeling from people we know, like saying it out loud means something is wrong. I now reject this and would like to say: I need social connection, and I’m not afraid to say it anymore!

Overnight, at the age of nine, I went from an energetic, sociable child to housebound and isolated as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME/CFS) and other comorbidities shrunk my world to my bedroom. ME is a chronic, fluctuating disease that causes symptoms such as severe fatigue, post-exertional malaise, pain, sleep problems, and brain fog. It can leave people bed or housebound, and there is currently no cure. As the years passed, I tried every form of low‐energy activity that I cou

Ever heard of picture perfect? Clicking posts, attracting attention, wanting to feel validated. Validated. Something so many teenage girls, like me, crave the feeling of. Ever looked at yourself in the mirror and not seen your true potential? All you see is what others want of you. All you see is a dysmorphic image of who you seem to be, a monster to you, and a so-called ‘perfect girl’ to others. My name is Joana.