A critique of Vogue’s ‘embarrassing boyfriend’ concept

And there we have it. As of October 2025, boyfriends have become embarrassing... well, according to Vogue.

An article published in Vogue on 25^th October talks about boyfriends being embarrassing, and how women are uncool or losers because they have romantic partners. This controversial piece has been discussed all over social media and on popular news outlets, with Instagram celebrities sharing their opinions, either agreeing or disagreeing with the piece.  

I came across the piece when a content creator I follow on TikTok, who is recently single, was talking about how glad she is to be single, because of the Vogue article. Of course, I had to go and look at the article for myself, as someone in a long-term relationship.

Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

What did I like about the article?

I’m all about women supporting women, so I will first start off with what I liked in this article. I like that the overall message is all about women claiming their independence, and that “being partnered doesn’t affirm your womanhood anymore”. I like how they say that being partnered isn’t considered an achievement. So many more things make women successful: degrees, jobs, confidence, creativity and knowledge, to name a few.

And I do apologise for saying this, but this is the extent to which I agree with this piece.

So, why am I critiquing this?

Spoiler alert, I’m one of the few who totally disagreed with the piece.

The first thing that annoyed me was that the article quoted someone who said that women who have partners are “normies”, a slang term for someone ordinary or conventional, someone who doesn’t have any unique thoughts or opinions. They say it makes women lose their “aura”.

Frankly, it does bother me to be called a normie just because of my relationship. I’m sorry, but I’m a confident and independent woman who has plenty of aura (if I can say so myself), and my partner loves me for that, above all for how I stand up for my own rights and do exactly as I please. And my friends who are in relationships have plenty of aura. I don’t think being in relationships has made them boring or unlikable. We have just as much fun when we have girls' days, and don’t feel the need to talk solely about our partners because of the 1000s of other exciting things happening in our lives.

So, I really feel that you can claim and affirm your womanhood while simultaneously being in a relationship. I feel that healthy relationships are a two-way street, providing support in times of difficulty, allowing one another to be vulnerable, and above all, growing together and achieving life’s big milestones as a unit.

Photo by Philip Oroni on Unsplash+

The article also states that women don’t post their boyfriends online because they’re afraid of losing Instagram followers. This really made me laugh. Come on, it’s 2025. Unless you're an influencer, who really cares about how many followers you have on social media? I can’t remember the last time I looked at how many followers either I or someone has. Isn’t that so 2014? At this point, I should say, in our world today influencing a real, lucrative career. In that context, where posting online is your job, I understand if you don't post your partner online, since this isn't a private social media feed. It's totally justified, considering your posts are in line with brand deals, and endorsement, and you might not want to put your relationship on this page, since it's private and personal.

She also quotes a content creator who said that being single gives women the ultimate freedom to say and do what they want. I don’t agree that a relationship means you can’t have freedom. It is possible that you don’t have freedom if you are in an unhealthy relationship, but a true, healthy and positive relationship should mean that you have the freedom to do what you want, wear what you want, and above all else, have your own opinions. I have never been told by my partner what to wear. Ever. I have never felt that my freedom has been curtailed in any manner.

In the conclusive paragraph, the author says, “Obviously, there’s no shame in falling in love. But there’s also no shame in trying and failing to find it – or not trying at all.”

So then, why are you shaming women for being in relationships? Why are you calling them condescending words, like losers and normies? I’d never ever think (or even consider) my single friends as losers, so why are partnered women not being held to the same standard?

I totally understand that my opinion is just one among a sea of thoughts. So, as a researcher, I felt it was appropriate to see what others thought of this.

What did others think of this?

One of my friends, a female in the 25-30 age group (who disagreed with the piece) said, “I think it’s an interesting article, but I just don’t really get the general discourse around it. If you want to have a boyfriend, great. If you don’t, great. The same goes for posting. Why does who women are and how we look at them need to be about men? What happened to supporting one another as women?”

In contrast, of my coworkers in the same age range (who agreed with the piece) said, “The crux of it is that women no longer have to, by necessity, have a boyfriend to ensure our futures. So, if we choose to remain with a boyfriend who detracts from our quality of life, that is embarrassing.”

Another friend, in the same age range agreed with the part where the writer talks about how bad the dating pool is. She also stated that perhaps women don’t want to flaunt their relationship to their single friends, as they don’t want to be perceived as being boyfriend-obsessed.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

I do wish the article were more about the fact that women are claiming independence, and success doesn’t mean being partnered any more. I wish it weren’t an attack on women who are in relationships. If the article is all about empowering women, why do you simultaneously put them down?

The bigger picture is that women today are strong and independent, with skills and characteristics to look up to. As a South Asian female scientist, when I look at role models, I don’t judge them for being in relationships. That doesn’t even cross my mind. I look up to those who are able to reach incredible heights, to become professors, while also having successful relationships.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to have an incredible career while also focusing on family life. Alongside building a successful career in academia, I also want to be a great daughter, partner, and eventually a mother. Wanting these things doesn’t make me a loser—it makes me human.