Cancer Ghosting: what is it, what can we do?
- Frances Weston
- Aug 7
- 5 min read
When someone receives a cancer diagnosis, the emotional and psychological toll can be just as profound as the physical journey ahead. However, while medical treatment plans are often initiated promptly, the psychosocial consequences of such a diagnosis are frequently less visible and, unfortunately, less addressed.
Amidst the investigations, treatments, and conversations with healthcare teams, many patients experience a phenomenon called cancer ghosting.
The term ‘ghosting’ is a word which typically refers to the abrupt end in communication with someone without explanation. It is most commonly associated with romantic relationships and the use of dating apps, however can also refer to friendships, or relationships with colleagues.
On the other hand, the term ‘cancer ghosting’ is a term that has been coined by the cancer community, and refers to the withdrawal or reduction of contact by friends, family members, or colleagues, to a person affected by cancer following the disclosure of their illness.
When a close friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer, they explained this isolating experience was happening to them, however at the time I did not know it was a common reality, or that there was a name coined for it. As a doctor interested in psychiatry, I started thinking about the mental health impacts cancer ghosting can have, and if other people with cancer had faced similar experiences.
With further reading and conversations, I realised cancer ghosting is sadly a common experience amongst many diagnosed with cancer, despite this being a time where support is one of the most important needs for a person. One patient, interviewed for a piece in the Independent a few months ago, explained, “I did have a few very kind friends who reached out, who kept in frequent contact, but I lost 90 per cent of my friends to my cancer diagnosis… The pain of losing my friends was in equal difficulty to receiving treatment.”
A cancer diagnosis can be a painful, isolating experience; therefore, it is important to understand why ghosting may take place, and what we as friends, family or healthcare professionals can do to support those going through a cancer diagnosis.
What Causes Cancer Ghosting?
Understanding why people distance themself in the face of someone else’s illness is complex, and often unique to personal circumstances. However, several common themes can contribute:
Fear and Discomfort: Many people don’t know how to react to a cancer diagnosis. They fear saying the wrong thing or feel unequipped to handle the emotional weight, so they withdraw.
Emotional Challenges: Witnessing a loved one’s suffering can trigger personal anxieties and distress. Some may distance themselves as a form of self-protection.
Guilt and Helplessness: If someone feels they can’t fix the situation or don’t have the right words, they might retreat, wrongly believing their silence is better than showing up without solutions.
Anxiety around communication: A lack of knowledge about what to say or how to act often leads individuals to say nothing at all—people may not realise that disappearing or not being present can be more isolating for that person than showing up ‘imperfectly’.
Misunderstood Intentions: Some people assume that the person needs time and space, or believe that others are offering sufficient support, thereby believing their own absence is better than their presence.
The Impact on Patients
For those living with cancer, ghosting can feel like a betrayal. It disrupts their sense of belonging and support at a time when they are most vulnerable. When patients experience cancer ghosting, they often describe feelings of shame, abandonment, and confusion, adding layers of distress on top of an already challenging experience.
Importantly, social isolation can negatively impact not only a patient’s mental health but also their physical health outcomes, including treatment adherence and recovery, which further highlights the importance of a strong support network.
How can we support those with a cancer diagnosis?
As a society, and for myself as a doctor, we can try to encourage understanding, compassion, and connection through education. Here are a few tips on how we can begin to address and prevent cancer ghosting:
Consistent Support: There is no “perfect” way to support someone with cancer, and no one expects us to know exactly how to support them. However, any form of consistent presence - checking in, offering a home-cooked meal, or just sitting in silence – can mean a huge amount. Whilst these acts may seem small, this support can be life-changing for someone going through treatment. Practical and specific support is often the most useful, such as ‘I’m making X for dinner tonight, I will make an extra portion for you and drop it round’.
Being comfortable with not knowing what to say: It’s ok if you don’t know what to say - a simple, but regular check-in, such as “I’m thinking of you”, can make a big difference. We don’t have to know what to say, and it’s ok to admit to this. It may help some to read about the experience of patients, however, if this is overwhelming, even just addressing that you’re thinking of your friend can be significant.
Utilising Support Networks: Support groups, charity events, and counselling through the NHS can help provide emotional and social support, alongside other support systems. As a friend, you could ask the person with cancer if they are aware of these options, or even see what is available in your local area to suggest. Macmillan Cancer Support, Cancer Research UK and Teenage Cancer Trust have lots of information on their websites. Online communities or support groups can provide a shared understanding of an illness that friends and family may not be able to offer.
Doctors, nurses, and social workers should proactively ask about a patient’s support system during appointments, but you can do so as a friend. Offer to go with them, so that they do not feel alone or overwhelmed by the idea.
Learn what support works best for that person: Ask the person what they find helpful, and encourage them to express their needs to their support network. Helping them find language around boundaries and expectations may help them feel empowered to advocate for themselves.
What can we take away?
If someone in your life has cancer, it’s important to remember you don’t need to have the right words to say or offer solutions. Just showing up, even if you don’t know what to say, can be a lifeline.
And if you are a patient who has experienced ghosting, know this: you are not alone, and the problem is not you. The silence of others is often a reflection of their worries or discomfort, not your relationship.
Having reflected with my friend on his experiences, he says it was those one or two consistent people, who checked in through messages, dropped off a home-made cake, or sat in his hospital room, often in silence, that meant the most. Whilst small, these experiences had a profound impact on his feelings of support. He often didn't have the energy to talk or actively do something; however, it was the presence, even in the moments of silence, that made a difference.