How I Balanced My Mental Health After My Miscarriage
- Tassia O'Callaghan
- 6 days ago
- 4 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
Content warning: This piece contains a description of miscarriage and mentions pregnancy loss.
There’s no easy way to say this: we lost our baby. At 12 weeks, after hearing the heartbeat and seeing that small, flickering light on the ultrasound, we felt like we were past the hardest part. But sadly, our first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage, and everything changed.
The emotional toll of the experience has been immense, but I learned a lot about balancing my mental health and finding ways to cope. If you’ve experienced a similar loss, I’m so sorry this has happened to you, and I hope some of what I did can help you, too.
Talking about it
Within weeks after finding out I was pregnant, we shared the news with close family. It was early, but we wanted to share our news, and I’m so glad we did.
When things went wrong, we didn’t have to pretend. We could have those hard conversations with people who understood, particularly my mother and mother-in-law. Both had suffered miscarriages before, and there was a strange kinship that brought us closer. I’m not sure I could have got through the grief without their support.
Taking time off work
I'd only just started a new role when we found out I was pregnant. We’d been trying for a while after getting married in February 2024, and when the loss happened, it felt especially difficult to return to normal life. I knew that I needed time away from work to grieve, to heal, and to just be.
Going back to the office wasn’t an option. One of my colleagues was pregnant, and her due date was only a couple of months before what ours would have been. The thought of being around her, feeling that fresh wave of loss every time I looked at her growing bump, was unbearable.
I knew I couldn’t carry that trauma into the office. So I made the decision to focus on freelancing, which would allow me to control my schedule, balance work with self-care, and prioritise my mental health.
Taking daily walks by myself
Once I was physically healed, which, thankfully, didn’t take long, I made the effort to walk every morning, by myself, listening to empowering podcasts, with Mel Robbins being my go-to. I didn’t want to hate my body for what had happened, and walking helped me reconnect with it in a way that felt positive.
Sharing my story
I’d written about pregnancy loss before — mostly for work in a previous role — but I never imagined I’d be sharing my own story so publicly. When I went through the experience of RPOC (retained products of conception), which caused excruciating pain and a visit to the emergency room, I didn’t know what to expect. Sharing that story — my story — felt like I was shedding some of the darkness and transforming it into something that might help someone else.
The number of comments and messages I received after posting about my experience on TikTok was overwhelming. People reached out with their own stories, and it was as though, together, we could lift some of the weight of miscarriage from each other’s shoulders.
The beauty in sharing our grief is that it takes away the stigma. Miscarriage is so often whispered about, treated like something to hide. But it’s not something to be ashamed of, and the more we talk about it, the easier it becomes to heal.
Putting away reminders of our Magpie
We’d nicknamed our baby “Magpie” early on, and after we found out about the loss, my husband and I did something that was necessary for our healing: we put everything away. Pregnancy scans, my pregnancy journal, and even the magnetic Scrabble tiles on the fridge spelling out “Baby OC” — they all went into boxes and were hidden away in the attic, so we could give ourselves the space to grieve without constant reminders. The memories of our baby will always be with us, but for now, those physical reminders are out of sight.
Avoiding time with children
For the first few weeks, I didn’t feel ready to be around babies or young kids, so I asked my family if we could spend time together without them. It felt awkward at first, but everyone understood, and it was one of the most important things I did for my mental health. If you’re struggling with something like this, don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. People will often surprise you with their understanding and willingness to help.
Doing the things I wasn’t allowed to do while pregnant
In the days after the miscarriage, I gave myself a small comfort: I did the things I wasn’t allowed to do while pregnant. The very first day, we went shopping, and I stocked up on all the things I couldn’t have — alcohol, deli meats, blue cheese — the little indulgences that I had given up. In a situation where I felt so powerless, it was a small act of reclaiming something for myself.
Acknowledging that this is not the end of our story
One of the most important things I did after our miscarriage was remind myself that this wasn’t the end of our story. Yes, we lost our Magpie, but that doesn’t mean we won’t have our family. I still believe we will hold our baby in our arms one day, and that they will grow up happy and healthy. This chapter, as painful as it is, is not our whole story.
Grieving the loss of a pregnancy isn’t linear, and it doesn’t follow a set timeline — it looks different for everyone who goes through it. For me, balancing my mental health meant finding small ways to take care of myself, to honour my grief, and to allow myself the space to heal. It’s a process, one that I’m still navigating, but I know that in time, my partner and I will find our way to the family we’ve always dreamed of.
This article has been sponsored by the Psychiatry Research Trust, who are dedicated to supporting young scientists in their groundbreaking research efforts within the field of mental health. If you wish to support their work, please consider donating.
