Secrecy to Solidarity: Menstruation and the Communities Women Form
- Kiera Moore
- 3 hours ago
- 5 min read
I am currently an MSc student at King’s College London studying Psychology and Neuroscience: Mind-Body Interface, and a placement study in the Stress, Psychiatry, and Immunology Lab within the Perinatal Psychiatry section. I am interested in how social and biological factors shape women’s physical and mental health across the lifespan.
Throughout life, women often experience a series of shared transitions. From menstruation and reproductive health to pregnancy and motherhood, and later life stages such as menopause, quietly creating forms of connection and community. My own experience with menstruation was one of the first times I noticed how these unspoken communities began to form.
First Period
When I got my first period, it felt like a secret I was embarrassed to carry. I remember feeling confused, a little scared, and mostly worried that someone might find out. Others around me were secretive about their periods, and the topic never reached our conversations despite it being the most common teenage experience.
At first, it didn’t feel like a shared experience at all; it felt isolating. I remember my mind being overwhelmed by the worrisome thoughts about bleeding through my clothes or needing to bring a tampon to the bathroom, and someone, especially a boy, seeing it. All in all, it felt like something you had to manage quietly and carefully to avoid being judged or noticed by others.
The next day at school, I told a few of my closest friends, mostly because I felt the need to talk about it. What surprised me was how casually some of them reacted. Just like me, a few of them had already gotten their periods and just hadn’t mentioned it before. I had assumed I was one of the first, but I wasn’t. With this relieving revelation, came a feeling of comfort and a sense that there was a community to be found through the experience; you just didn’t know who was in it yet.
Among our friend group, the topic of menstruation slowly became something we could talk about, still quietly, but more openly with each other. We would complain about cramps, ask if anyone had a spare tampon, or exchange knowing looks when someone mentioned they were feeling unusually emotional that week. It was awkward at first, but it also created a strange bond between us.
I remember when one of my friends got her first period about a year later. She was excited, almost proud, to finally get it. For her, it meant joining something the rest of us were already experiencing. But when she realised several of us had already got ours earlier but just hadn’t really talked about it, she seemed a little disappointed. She had imagined the moment as more of a celebration. In a way, she was right. Getting your first period isn’t just a biological milestone. Socially, it can feel like an entry point into a shared experience.
PMS and Shared Understanding
As we got older, the conversations deepened. Periods weren’t just about bleeding once a month; they were also about everything that came before it. Many of us started talking about premenstrual syndrome or PMS: the mood swings, the exhaustion, the random urge to cry over something small. Sometimes we joked about it, sometimes we vented about it, but there was comfort in realising other people felt the same way.
For some women, those symptoms are even more intense. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) can make the days before a period emotionally overwhelming, bringing severe mood changes, anxiety, or depression. PMDD can be diagnosed by tracking severe mood and physical symptoms over time, alongside reviewing a person’s medical history and lifestyle factors. Touching on these challenges became another way for women to connect with each other. Even when the intensity was different for everyone, there was still a shared understanding that the week before a period could feel like a completely different emotional landscape. These conversations often created an immediate sense of empathy. You could mention cramps or say you were having a rough PMS week, and someone would instantly understand.
Interestingly, research on young people’s menstrual experiences has shown that many girls feel pressure to hide their periods, especially in school settings. Fear of embarrassment, leaks, or someone noticing menstrual products often makes menstruation something people try to keep private. Simultaneously, the literature also shows that girls frequently rely on each other for support, sharing supplies, advice, and reassurance when something goes wrong. In other words, menstruation often exists in a strange space between secrecy and solidarity.
Support Between Women
I saw just how universal that connection can be recently while travelling through John F. Kennedy Airport, in New York City. I needed a quarter for the tampon machine in the bathroom but didn’t have one. When I asked the women nearby if anyone had spare change, several of them immediately offered help, not only quarters, but tampons and pads from their own bags. One woman smiled and said, “We all know what it’s like. This is what girls are for.”
None of us knew each other. We were just strangers passing through the same airport bathroom. And yet there was an immediate willingness to help, simply because of our shared experience.
Gender Differences and Misunderstandings
At the same time, it’s often hard to explain this experience to men. Many genuinely try to sympathise; however, it’s difficult to fully understand something you’ve never experienced physically or emotionally. Sometimes, periods are even used dismissively. A woman expresses frustration or anger, and someone jokes, “She must be on her period.” In those moments, menstruation becomes a stereotype rather than a reality.
I’ve also seen that difference in understanding firsthand. Once, I actually passed out at work from severe period cramps and collapsed onto the floor. When I mentioned afterward that it was because of my period, some of the men I worked with looked confused and assumed it meant I had lost too much blood. But that wasn’t the case at all; it was simply the pain. My close friend, who also worked there, and another female coworker immediately understood. They didn’t need much explanation for how intense cramps can be. They had experienced it themselves.
Hidden Communities
Periods are often treated as something to hide. But over time, I’ve realised they quietly reveal something else: how willing women are to show up for one another; whether it’s a friend handing you a tampon in a school bathroom, a coworker helping you when cramps become overwhelming, a roommate bringing you a heating pad, or someone sharing their own struggles with PMS or PMDD just to make you feel less alone, there’s an understanding that doesn’t require much explanation.
Looking back, getting my first period didn’t just mark a biological change. It quietly introduced me to a community I hadn’t known existed, one that shows up in whispered conversations between friends, sympathetic looks across a room, and small acts of generosity in unexpected places. It’s a reminder that sometimes the experiences we’re taught to hide are the very ones that connect us the most.
