Swipe Right for Friendship: A Deep Dive into App-Based Socialising
- Theresa Kolb
- 5 hours ago
- 5 min read
Moving to a new city, country, or even continent is exhilarating—until one uncomfortable reality sets in: suddenly, your support network is a hundred miles away, and the comfort of familiar friendships around the corner is replaced by the daunting task of building new ones from scratch.
As a PhD exchange student, I experienced this firsthand when I moved to London four months ago for a research exchange at King’s College London. It was an exciting opportunity, especially after missing out on a semester abroad during the pandemic. But, I soon found that working in a new city did not magically fill my social calendar. I am perfectly fine spending time alone—dining solo or visiting museums—but one reason I wanted to live abroad was to meet new people from different backgrounds. That proved much harder than I expected, though. Most people already have established social circles and are not actively seeking new connections. I often felt lost on where to start or how to approach strangers without a mutual friend’s introduction.
Building adult friendships can be tough when everyone is busy with their own lives, and I know I am not alone in this struggle. You don’t have to be new in town to crave new connections. It can be intimidating and frustrating, but in this article, I want to share how I navigated these challenges and how research shows that making the effort to connect is so important.
The social brain in a new environment
Humans are wired for connection. Social relationships buffer stress, help us regulate emotions, and even improve our physical health. When you relocate - even for just a few months - you’re not just moving your belongings; you’re disrupting your entire social ecosystem.
Loneliness, it turns out, does more than just make you feel a bit gloomy. Feeling lonely heightens your sensitivity to social threats, fosters negative expectations, and encourages self-protective withdrawal - all of which make it even harder to connect meaningfully with others. Chronic loneliness also messes with your body; it increases stress hormones and inflammation, disrupts sleep, and weakens your immune system. Over time, these changes increase your risk for many adverse health outcomes, from depression to cardiovascular disease and even early mortality.
Full disclosure: I was lucky. I arrived for my exchange in London to wonderful housemates, and I already knew a few other PhD students. But even with a solid social foundation, I still had days where I felt self-conscious and retreated to my room to binge-watch TV instead of going out or making plans. It’s easy to see how, without those initial connections, isolation could quickly have taken hold of me. And while my housemates were lovely, I still craved friendships built on shared interests, not just a shared kitchen.
When time is of the essence
My exchange to London was set for just six months. That meant every new interaction came with a ticking clock over my head. This short-term stay created a unique psychological dilemma for me: I wanted to make friends, but I - and everyone I met - knew I’d be gone before we could fill a loyalty card at a coffee shop together. I ended up with a rather stressful mindset of having to force myself into social interactions. Not an easy task for an introverted person who only becomes extroverted once they are familiar with people. I am not one to strike up a conversation with a random stranger in a bar or comment on someone’s cute shirt and end up with a new best friend 10 minutes later.
So, where do you turn when you want to break through the barrier of socialising? For me, the answer was apps.
Online socialising: a double-edged sword
Enter Bumble BFF and MeetUp, two digital platforms designed to, in theory, help me and you make friends. On Bumble BFF, you build an account (including photos, interests, and a few witty snippets about yourself) and swipe through other people’s profiles. If you both swipe right, you can start chatting.
Simple in theory, but in practice, I found it to be quite superficial, and it felt a bit like online dating, minus the romance, plus a lot of awkward small talk. After a week or two, I was left with a handful of dead-end chats and a newfound respect for anyone who met the love of their life online. The process was fast and practical, but also oddly draining, like social jet lag. Dropping the “by the way, I’m only here for a couple of months” bomb probably didn’t help my odds, either.
MeetUp takes on a different approach. You sign up for events based on your interests, anything from board game nights to hiking trips, book clubs to language exchanges. No need for endless back-and-forth messaging about scheduling a coffee date, just RSVP and show up. I found this far more effective.
At each event, there was at least one thing everyone had in common, so I could skip the icebreakers and conversation came more naturally. I tried a few different events: board games, pub socials, and group hikes. The people were friendly, the events well-organised, and the atmosphere surprisingly relaxed. Sometimes I would see familiar faces at recurring events, which made it easier to strike up a conversation. MeetUp even has a feature to connect with people you’ve met at events, though I usually just exchanged social media if we hit it off.
Not every MeetUp led to a friendship, but every event was a pleasant way to spend an evening or try something new. And even fleeting social interactions can boost well-being. I didn’t find a soulmate, but I did feel the mood-lifting effects of getting out and talking to new people on each occasion.
Takeaway: Connection is a (mental) health intervention
Having a social network isn’t trivial, and loneliness can truly impact your mental and physical health. But by proactively seeking connection, even when it feels awkward, you are doing more than just filling your calendar; you are doing a bit of self-care.
You don’t have to be new in town to seek out new friendships. Maybe you are looking for other people who share your niche interest? Or do you want to try out a new hobby? Consider this your nudge to hop online and sign up for that MeetUp event, or to send that Bumble BFF message.
It can be frustrating, but even small social interactions can make your day. You can also strike up a conversation in line at the grocery store if that is more your style. Either way, your mental health will thank you, and you might collect a few stories worth telling at your next MeetUp.
